Change Ignoring Your Past

I’m pretty young. In my past, I’ve messed up pretty bad and chances are I’ll mess up again, even worse in my future.

Recently, I’ve noticed a bunch of change in a bunch of people, including myself. I know why I’ve changed. I also know, I’ll always be changing, no matter what. I’ve always changed at the blink of an eye. But then, I also know what the specific events were that made me stop in my tracks and look at myself this time around.

My change wasn’t inspired by what people thought of me, or how I thought the world perceived me. I still couldn’t give a rat’s-ass about other people’s opinions, both in blogsphere or in real life. I know who I am to those that matter and that’s all that matters to me. My change was inspired by the effects I was having on me.

But there are a few other people whose change must be inspired by other’s opinions of them; they’ve telling signs in the language they use. Sentences like, “Learn from me” or “I did it, so can you” say to me that they’re aiming to be a role model for some. True, some may be inspired by the stories and others may take your lead and follow your advice, and some may find reason to admire you but there will always be the few who still know you as the despicable human being you once were, and they’ll know this simply because of your past treatment of them. Without you taking a step to heal wounds you caused, this will never change.

When you realize this, you have two choices. You can attempt to ignore it (and you’ll never, ever be able to fully do this, as regret and guilt have a way of eating a person alive), or you can take the necessary steps to correct it and actually work to make your changes a little deeper than a surface show with temporary effects. It’s guaranteed though, that those you hurt in the past will never forget and will never change their opinions of you based on second-hand knowledge of what you’ve done recently, or how well you’re currently behaving towards others. Until you take the step to repair hurts you’ve caused, they’ll always be remembered and you’ll always be despicable in someone else’s eye. I do hope you remember that.