There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must stop, and look at themselves and ask, “Are they the problem or am I?”

I’ve made a lot of enemies; many of them through blogging and many prior to blogging. I’ve burned a lot of bridges that I regret deeply but am too proud to even attempt to repair.

I learned one thing though, and I learned it at a very young age. Hate, it only manifests itself deep in the holder and rarely affects the one who’s hated by you. Unless of course, you’re a revengeful fuck, but even then it’ll come back around a kick you in the ass eventually.

The above link to Balushi’s blog is perfect example of someone I feel for. I suppose they want to me to feel shitty about myself because they simply despise me and everything about me. But I don’t. I don’t feel as though I’m less of a human being because I’m hated by them. I don’t feel as though I should curl up and cry or commit suicide. What I do feel is sorry for this anonymous guy/girl.

You see… I’m a perfect candidate to fester hate. I have a psycho ex-husband who made my life hell for a year and half and kept my child away from me. I have a former assassin who threatened my life for 3 years and dragged me through the trenches of the UAE courts including the Bedouin RAK ones, where my hand was literally up for grabs. I have the former drug-dealer who pretty much held me captive while I was between the ages of 14 & 17 with the threat of the lives of my family should I leave him. And I have so many more, all in my past. I don’t believe I hate a single one of them at this moment. And you know why? Because they’re no longer making my life hell. Why should I create my own hell by allowing myself to manifest hate over things that are in the past?

No. I will not. I have a friend who betrayed me so much so, more than a year ago that it still hurts to think about. Maybe, I still hate her to some extent. But I’m sure that when the pain subsides so will this evil feeling.

Hate is an ugly thing. More so for the holder than the hated. It will lead to depression, especially if you're missing out on the things you love because of it. If you’re holding it, perhaps it’s time for you to ask yourself whether the real problem is with you or with them.